It seems that de-cluttering has become all the rage on social media and people are embracing it in their homes. With the introduction of Japanese organizer, Marie Kondo, people are experiencing great happiness through organizing and simplifying. Not only are people’s physical spaces becoming less overwhelming, but people are reporting this is having a positive impact on their mental health. Organizing and de-cluttering are not new concepts; many self-help books, life coaches, and counsellors have advocated that a clear space promotes better functioning, or the opposite, ‘messy house, messy mind’. If your tools are not organized and in disrepair, you can’t do your job properly.
When we apply the concept of de-cluttering to our personal lives and our self-talk, we can start to weed out unhealthy patterns of thought and behaviour, and start to feel better.
So, let’s throw back those proverbial curtains, clean out the cobwebs, and let the fresh air in!
Let’s take a look at what’s working in our lives, and what isn’t.
People often hold on to unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and relationships or patterns of behaviour, due to habit…we know these don’t feel good, but we continue to repeat them. Why? Comfort? Fear of change? The unknown?
What separates humans from animals, is a part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex. This allows us to have such things as metacognition, social and emotional intelligence, logic and reason, etc. Despite having a prefrontal cortex, people tend to ignore their natural instincts and overthink situations. This keeps us stalled from making the changes we need or want to make, keeping us cluttered.
If we were to see a bear and a deer in the wild, the deer would not be contemplating what the bear’s intentions are, or what direction it may be going, it’s fleeing!! It’s relying on its senses of sight, sound, and smell to tell it how to survive. It’s heart is racing and all non-essential functioning shuts down (sounds a lot like anxiety!).
This physiological response is the same in humans, and it is activated in many stressful situations, however when we are not on alert, we tend to ignore what our bodies are saying to us, even though it can be damaging to us.
For example, if you have a co-worker or boss that you are struggling with, and every time you see them, your heart races, you feel anxious, nauseous, uncomfortable, its invading your thoughts and your sleep. We ignore these symptoms, and chew it up in our heads, or find ways of avoiding the discomfort (sometimes by using substances, engaging in conflict with someone else, or avoiding), these are referred to as unhealthy or maladaptive coping skills.
We get stuck in the repetitive vortex of feeling bad, finding ways ‘coping’ to squash the discomfort and ease the pain, and then when we realize this, it feels terrible! Then we repeat the cycle…hurt/pain, immediate fix, guilt, shame, and repeat…we need to learn a different way to organize ourselves in a more productive and healthy way. We need to find a way to solve the problem.
We have to first recognize what we are thinking and feeling. People often report that their thoughts and feelings are automatic…the good news is that we can be in control of our thoughts, we just need some tools to do this.
So, what tools do we need? How can fix things if we don’t know what we’re fixing?
By becoming more aware of what our bodies are telling us, and what we are thinking about is the first step. A simple ‘head and shoulders, knees and toes’ body scan is a start; What is happening in my body, or what is it telling me? Am I tired, am I clenching my jaw, is my heart racing, or my stomach upset, etc.?
Assessing our bodies and our thoughts regularly is the first step. During breaks in the day (take your breaks!), do a body scan, start to identify what is happening. Just start by observing and learning. Then be present to what is renting space in your head…what are you worrying about, or continuously thinking about?
Write it down.
Here are some suggestions of tools that that will help you to learn what you need to reduce the clutter in your head:
- Body Scan
- Thought Scan
- Take breaks – get some fresh air!
- Eat regularly
- Try and get 6-8 hours of sleep
- Move your body – some kind of exercise
- Manage your time
- Talk to a counsellor or someone that can help you sort through the clutter. Give yourself the opportunity to breathe easier and make choices that work for you and yours.
